Best of Chucky

Serena: Chuck, why did you just do that?

Chuck: Because I love her, and I can't make her happy.

Chuck: If you needed to mark your territory so badly, Nathaniel, maybe you should just pee on her

Eric: Does this feel like a sitcom to anyone else?

Dan: More like a reality show.

Chuck: Then I can vote you off.

Chuck: Yale, the only thing she wanted more than me. That would be painful.

Serena: Chuck, she's embarrassed, so we've gotta give her time to lick her wounds.

Chuck: Maybe I could lick them for her.

Chuck: (on phone) No I told you, under 18 and I want verification. I don't care where you have to import them from, I want them young and unstable.

Chuck: Uncle Jack, what a surprise. How've you been?

Jack: Uh-huh, so I take it you don't remember our rickshaw ride down Selon Road? The 15-hour flight?

Chuck: ... that was you?

Nate: [on Bart's letter] Aren't you curious what it says?

Chuck: I think I can guess. You're a disappointment of a son; I'd die of embarrassment if I hadn't already; why do you wear so much purple?

Blair: (reading the letter) Dear Son, I know I've always been hard on you—

Chuck: True.

Blair: —but my goal was always to prepare you for this day. To help you go from being a boy to a man.

Chuck: An Italian au pere took care of that.

Blair: Chuck, please. Sadly, there is nothing like the passing of a father to aid in this rite of passage for his son. Ultimately I do feel that I did my job and you are prepared for this next chapter of your life. Therefore I am bequeathing to you the majority share of Bass Industries.

Chuck: Surely that's a mistake.

Lawyer: Are you comfortable with Jack being your gurdian?

Chuck: Curfew?

Jack: None.

Chuck: Girls sleeping over?

Jack: Yes, please.

Chuck: I'll allow it.

Jack: Why would he leave Bass Industries to you, a teenager who can't keep his pecker in his pants for more than 24 hours.

Chuck: At least I can keep it in service for more than five minutes.

Lily: (re: Jack) The bastard is untouchable.

Chuck: What shall we do?

Lily: Time to get dirty. I'm all yours.

Chuck: Let me educate you.

Chuck: If your people don't come up with anything, maybe we can try #26.

Lily: (reading) Crash Jack in plane. The Bass jet is kind of expensive, Charles.

Chuck: There's insurance.

Jack: What seems to be the problem?

Headmistress Queller: I found Charles smoking marijuana on school property.

Chuck: Hash, actually. I find it gives a smoother high.

Jack: Sounds to me like the evidence is questionable.

Blair: The circumstances are most extenuating. Can we forgive it this one time?

Headmistress Queller: (to Chuck) Would you promise me that nothing like this will ever happen again?

Chuck: (pulls out joint, lights it) For you, Headmistress, anything. Everyone, it's been a pleasure.

Jack: Chuck, your father wouldn't have wanted this.

Chuck: Dear old Dad? Unfortunately all I know is what he didn't want. Which is me. I'm Chuck Bass!!! ... No one cares.

Blair: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere. I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do it to me. Please.

Blair: Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you.

Chuck: We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.

Blair: But I am me. And you are you. We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.

Chuck: And why would you do that.

Blair: Because I love you.

Chuck: Well, that's too bad.

Blair: I've been thinking about changing my signature scent. I've been trying out a new one, I can't decide if I like it. Would you mind?

Chuck: [sniffs Blair] Smells a little like desperation.

Blair: What took you so long?

Chuck: If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for.

Chuck: Humphrey. Never a pleasure.

Dan: Oh good, we agree on something!

Dan: How do you know so many twins?

Chuck: Twins find me?

Dan: I've come to the conclusion that I need to get out of my comfort zone. To experience some new things.

Chuck: Are you gay?

Dan: I just need to get out of Brooklyn. For one night. I'd like to experience the world of Chuck Bass.

Chuck: You're lucky I'm bored.

Dont F with an F'er